01 March 2010

The Second Coming of Jesus-Cruise/Hubbard

Rumors have been mysteriously appearing on the internet machine (probably from a higher source named Xenu) that Katie Holmes is preparing to be inseminated with yet another Messiah for Scientologists.
Mrs. Cruise spent four hours at the Hollywood Scientology Center last week. Insiders say that was for a pre-pregnancy 'auditing'.
Scientologists believe the "health and sanity of the child begin long before birth". Yes, they actually use the word "sanity". It takes them 4 hours to tell someone that IF they were sane they would leave the Church grounds NOW? I could say that in less than four seconds.
In researching this important story, I found something even more disturbing on the Scientology website, Scientology.org.
Watching their library of videos, I found that all Scientologists interviewed were missing the tops of their heads.

Even those in the B-roll shots.

Well, the last guy might actually have a head top, you can't really tell what's under his turban.

Let us all gather and pray that the new Holmes/Hubbard, I mean Holmes/Cruise Savior of Human and Extraterrestrial Kind comes out of the spaceship complete- head and all.

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