VOGUE Strikes a Position

Even in the most dire of economic crises, if one looks hard enough, one can still find a job. Word on the street (the one the girls that have given up on their Gladiator sandals take) is that the Wicked Witch of the Fashion World- Anna Wintour is hiring. Twoher assistants are said to be flying the Vogue nest -and its designer closet- which they supposedly of have access to. (yeeeah, right).

I'm not sure what the want-ad reads but anyone who saw "The Devil Wears Prada" and/or ever met anyone in the Fashion Magazine World would probably write it as follows:

Needed: Spineless, non-confrontational girl willing to work long hours at very low pay. Must have extremely sharp eye for fashion, whilst working for people who think they know more and are better than you. Must be able to carry several garment bags in one arm during a Starbucks run and take criticism like a fledgling model. Must dress as if you work somewhere glamorous/get paid an actual salary, even though job entails mainly photocopying, lunch-orders and phone-answering, with occasional trips to return unwanted items. For the two times a year the industry is actually glamorous, you will be merely adding taxi superintendant and ticketing agent to your repertoire; pulling 16 hour days and must look even better than usual in higher heels. Men need not apply, as office is filled with insecure women who thrive on estrogen only and are not sure of their capability of intimidating anyone with an appendage between their legs- gay or straight.

Good luck to all those girls inspiring to get into the fabulous world of fashion, or in these times of economic despair, anyone desperate enough to apply anywhere.

Funeral For Domino

It is with a heavy heart that we must say goodbye to one of the best decorating magazines I have known. This March 2009 issue of Domino will be its last. The website, too will face sudden death. 

In honor of the magazine that merged home design with shopping; home goods with chic; and eco with practical, here is a bit ripped from the Robert Frost poem 'Home Burial':

"There, you have said it all and you feel better.

You won't go now.  You're crying.  Close the door.

The heart's gone out of it: why keep it up?

Amy!  There's someone coming down the road!"

"You—oh, you think the talk is all.  I must go—

Somewhere out of this house.  How can I make you——"

"If—you—do!"  She was opening the door wider.

"Where do you mean to go?  First tell me that.

I'll follow and bring you back by force.  I will!—"

                                                         Robert Frost

Domino, if I could bring you back by force I would! Farewell my friend!

Valentine's Day Killer

For some, including me, one of the most dreaded holidays approaches- Valentine's Day.  Even if you have found the perfect partner and live each day in bliss, this holiday reeks. It cheapens every poem, every song written about love and stuffs it into a heart-shaped cardboard box. 

Valentine's Day doesn't feel like a celebration of but rather like a forced feeling of love, making you express something or making you feel you need to have love or, if you're alone, that you're the only one that doesn't. You're not. 

Telling someone you love them shouldn't be mandatory. Who wants a card and chocolates that Hallmark told him/her to get you? Everyone knows that unexpected gifts mean more. 

For Saturday, I am sending Cupid my own Anti-Valentine in honor of everyone that feels like I do. A dozen black roses= Dead. from deadflowerflorist.com and I'll do something nice for my honey on some other day.

Death Stamp

As if more proof was needed that the Economy sucks, The Post Office is now threatening to cut its service back to 5 days a week.

In honor of the tragedy, and as one of the few left that still use the USPS, I searched out the coolest stamp its ever issued. I'd say this one blows away the Elvis commemoratives.

It was issued in 1998, honoring the 1906 Pure Food and Drug Act.

The image is from a proprietary tax stamp for, Hunt's Remedy. It shows Hunts killing Death, thus proving how effective the product is. (This Hunts must be a medicine- not tomato sauce.)

Tax stamps were placed on the bottle by its manufacturer to show that a tax had been paid, and were often used as mini advertisements- much like pop-ups on websites.

Hunt's Remedy was one of thousands of such products flooding the U.S. market at the time the 1906 Pure Food and Drugs Act was passed.

The Net is Alive With the Sound of Music

Trying to find new tunes on the net isn't as easy as it should be. XM radio is pretty expensive and isn't all that. But if you haven't checked Pandora.com you really should. It's a website where you can type in a song you like and they build a station around that song - by  its melody, harmony, instrumentation, rhythm, vocals, lyrics- whatever. 

This is all done by human ear. And what's cool is you can click on a button that says "I hate this song" and it will never play it again and if it plays something bizarre you can ask why this song is in your station. And, yeah, you can make as many stations as you like. It's cool, there's no commercials- it's free and not annoying. Try it.

Please Fence Me In

This lace fence is stunning. Keeping the dog in our the riff raff out doesn't have to be so ugly. As this Dutch design firm describes it,  it's "Hostility versus kindness, industrial versus craft. " Genius.

For more of their work, check http://www.demakersvan.com/index.php

Lose Your Job or Just Look Like You Have

You've Lost your Job, Your House, Your Car, Now- What do You Wear?
Designers picked up on the economic crisis-turned-catastrophe for Spring 2009.

Alberta Ferretti (left) and Just Cavalli (below) tried to keep it optimistic, reminiscing of days before the Great Depression with flapper dresses and lots of fringe.

Ah! The days before it all crashed.

But that was the 20's and this is now. And as the rule goes:

When times get bad, fashion gets more conservative.

Marc Jacobs and Marni must sense even harder times ahead, as their muse was Laura Ingalls.

Skirts cover the knees- almost to the ankles and they want you to button up the plaid (not in a grunge way).

Straw hats are in because who can afford leather and well, Get out the plow-we're heading back to horse and carriage times.

Marc Jacobs Spring 2009

Marni Spring 2009

Obama: Out of this World or Out of His Mind?

While the nation, no, the world, is enthralled with the inauguration today of our 44th president, I must warn that we pay close attention to those he chooses to stand alongside him. Or on him, in this case.

In what may have been the most under-reported appointment to the Obama cabinet, Trrgufchk Skgrt (shown here sitting on the now-President's shoulder) will serve as Intergalactic United Nations Supreme Allied Commander. It may seem like a big title for a little guy but our new Commander in Chief thinks Skgrt is up to the task. 

I just don't know about this. I mean, the guy's cute and all, but how do we know he will stand up for Earth the same way he supports Mars, where, let's face it, people probably look more like him? And in these hard economic times, where there are a scarce number of jobs to go around, shouldn't our President give the ones he has to Human Beings? 

Or is this the 'Change' Obama needed us to believe in- seeing beyond all our differences and reaching across intergalactic aisles?  What do you think- did the Prez space out when he appointed Skgrt or did he just take one giant leap for mankind?

Owl Decor Craze

It seems like everyone's obsessed with owls these days. But when it comes to interior design, there's a fine line we walk between kitsch and class. Between flair and overdone. 

I have chosen my two favorite Owl-decor items that I think add just enough whimsy to an apartment or home. Remember, half of good design is knowing when to say when.

I am absolutely in love with this umbrella stand! Besides being practical (who doesn't need a place to store their brolly?) It is so damn adorable! Even without an umbrella it looks amazing in the corner. You can get this at Urban Outfitters for $120. That's a must...

...Onto the lust.

UberDesigner Rick Lee designed this Owl Lamp on a tripod that has got tongues wagging in the interior world. 

Most owl lamps are table lamps but Rick ingeniously put his on a perch. This really blows me away. 

The stand is stainless steel and the Owl features a dimmer. It just looks so cute!

It retails for $1995. www.rickleedesign.com

Aloha Designer

Alfred Shaheen died in Torrance, California on December 22, 2008. He was 86. 

And he is the man that brought us the Hawaiian shirt. The floral pattern, the colors, the island flair that tourists and natives alike fell in love with were his design. Shaheen found a way to capture the feeling and romance of paradise and weave it into a piece of clothing.

It wasn't just Elvis that loved to rock the look. Donna Reed looks impressed with Montgomery Clift and Frank Sinatra in "From Here to Eternity"(1953). 

The movie received eight Oscars, though I don't recall one being for Costume Design.

And no one filled it better than Magnum- Tom Selleck. It's the only thing that doesn't clash with his 'stache.

Our thoughts are with you Alfred.

Camera Cake

When I was in L.A. visiting my sister, she took me to her favorite bakery to try her favorite cake. Red Velvet. It was AMAZING! I had never had Red Velvet Cake before. My sister is a photographer and I bet she never had Red Velvet Cake that looked like this!

Some guy made this Nikon D700 cake for his wife's birthday.

(By the way,you can check out my sister's incredible photography at www.bjpapas.com). 

Journal for the Time-Impaired

A friend of mine told me that her New Year's Resolution was to start keeping a journal. I admire her aspirations. Diaries are extremely important works. They help the writer psychologically clear themselves of the daily annoyances and drama we live through.

According to the New York times, diaries originated as a literary form in the upper classes.

The first were called pillow books, written by women of the Japanese court in the 10th century A.D.

British royalty began a tradition of keeping "stories of their reign" in the Middle Ages.

Anais Nin, who called her diary "my kief, my hashish and opium pipe," recorded her erotic exploits with Henry Miller and his wife, June. Her four volumes of diaries are a pastiche of literary gossip, feminine revelation and 1930's Parisian culture.

Ronald Reagan, Clark Clifford and Bill Wyman, the Rolling Stones' bassist, relied heavily on their personal diaries when they wrote books.

(from the New York Times January 3, 2009.)

Ordinary people who believe an unexamined life is not worth living write about the small activities and impressions that are their days. But you know how easy it is for these activities to get in the way and make you drop your journal writing.

So in order to help my friend and anyone else with the same Resolution, I thought it would be easier if you had a fill-in-the-blank template that allowed you to just jot down some answers. So on hectic days you'd still have time (and no excuses) to make an entry.

If you copy/paste this into your computer journal, it may make it easier to keep you resolution, at least 'til March.

--

MY FILL-IN-THE-BLANK-DIARY

Date __/____/2009

Today I went to ______________________ with ____________________.

It was Good / Sucked (circle one)

Who/What pissed me off today: __________________________

Why:_____________________________________________

Favorite person of the day: _____________________

Why? ______________________

Had Sex? Yes / No (Circle one- be honest)

Comments on it: _____________________________

Extraneous Rant about anything: _______________________________________

____________________________________________

Any cool quotes/websites/movies/songs/media I discovered today:
_________________________________________

Goal for tomorrow:
_________________________________________

Unicorns Are Your Friends

I was never into Unicorns in the eighties when all my girlfriends were drawing them on their notebooks flying over rainbows. But lately, I can't stop thinking how cool they are. However, as I search for Unicorn things I am bombarded with the same tacky 80's crap that most people need to associate with them.

So, I have weeded some cool Unicorn paraphernalia out from all the horror show pre-pubescent medieval freaky shit so people like us can enjoy a little of the horse magic.

I should start with this tote as it's so appropriate. The "I Don't Want to Sound Gay or Anything, But Unicorns Kick Ass" Motto is available on t-shirts, hoodies and baby onesies as well.

This bag goes for $21.99 and you can find it at Cafe Press. http://shop.cafepress.com/design/17779463

I am really into big bangly necklaces with lots of chains and to find one that snuck a unicorn into the mix was a real treat.

This is a Destroyed by Design piece you can get at Etsy for $32.00.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_17&listing_id=18927503

If you're not quite that brave in showing you're support for the one-horned, this cherry wood brooch is a little more subtle. It's $8.00 also on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_4&listing_id=18555728

Anyone who thinks Unicorns are for girls better watch out! None other than Robocop is a big fan.

Comic book artist and Painter Timothy Doyle designed this Unicorn print available on his myspace page for $20. http://www.myspace.com/timothydoyle

These should hold you over Elf Lords! (Just Kidding)
But honestly, it is tough finding the cool stuff amongst the tacky and crappy out there. Good thing I didn't wake up and decide rainbows were cool- I'd be really F---ed!

A Long Strange Tripp It Is

While I've been distracted with the holidays, much has been going on in more exciting parts of the world. Namely, Wasilla, Alaska. Yes it seems I have been jerked out of my Post-Palin depression as the hicks in the Governor's clan have been moving and shaking. And as usual, nothing is quite cut and dry... or legal.

First, the girl who nationally entered the term "Knocked Up" into every pre-teen's dictionary, Bristol Palin, supposedly gave birth on December 27. Or December 28. Date not confirmed. No baby pictures yet released either, as talks with People Magazine are volleying around a $300,000 figure.

However, that would require Grandma Sarah to be present at the photo shoot. And so far neither she nor the First Dude, nor their press secretary are commenting - or confirming -on the happy occassion of the birth.

No one will even confirm if Daddy Levi was present at the birth.

What is confirmed is this: the baby's name is Tripp.

This is very appropriate as the baby's other grandmother (Levi's mom) was arrested for dealing drugs just a week earlier.

Sherry Johnston was charged on December 18th with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance. The substance was Oxycontin which she gets $800 for 10 pills! Am I the only one that thinks she should be arrested for the overcharge?
Oxycontin is the Hillbilly Heroin that Rush Limbaugh could afford to give her that kind of cash for- but Wasilla dropouts from her son's hockey team? Really? Isn't it cheaper to make meth in your basement?

More importantly, I suppose, the investigation started the 2nd week of September but was postponed because one of her soon to be in-laws in Wasilla was running as the Vice President of the United States. Close call, country.

Hmm... How would the GOP vetters not catch this? It was all on record and she was the mother of the candidate's daughter's long-time boyfriend. I mean just look at her?

Can't you see she's ON SOMETHING?

When will this end? And do we want it to? The Palins and their clan in Alaska truly are the gift that keep on giving. Here's to a New Year full of more fun, drugs, scandal and teen pregnancies from the North.

Last Stop Santa

Santa's left town. Hope he was good to y'all!  Merry Merry Ho!

Blogvent Day 0

Merry Xmas Everyone! Hope you spend it with someone special and don't have to travel far! 

Love, The Monkey

Blogvent Day 1

Staying on the theme of Xmas movies, Will Ferrell makes a great Elf.

It's Xmas Eve, better be good and watch out for Santa!

Blogvent 3Days

Here's a photo of a London Theater prior to a screening of one of the best Xmas films ever- A Nightmare Before Christmas . This was a 2006 version in 3D. I want that swag!

They remade the film in 3D. Yes, 3D as in 3Days to go until the Big Day!!

Blogvent Day 4

With only 4 days left til Xmas you're probably holiday-partied out. And if you hosted any of those, you probably received your share of wine. What to do with the empties while they wait for the next trip to the recycling place? Try this!

Like a student from the University of Arts and Design in Karlsruhe, Germany, try making a tannenbaum. Hmm, where would a college student get all those empty bottles? There are more cleverly designed trees at one of my favorite sites- apartment therapy- that you can check out. http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/visual-artists-photographers-painters-etc/nontraditional-christmas-trees-038773

Blogvent Day 6

6 days left 'til Christmas. Everyone's favorite brothers are ready to party- The Misers. Heat and Snow. How did they never get their own spinoff holiday special? They stole the show in "The Year Without a Santa Claus". Heat Miser definitely needed a better agent. He's too Much!

blogvent Day 7

I have been looking for a small, inexpensive pink tree and its surprisingly hard to find. They are just tacky enough to be cool, so the next time I see one under $20 it will be delivered to my apartment.

There is 1 week left until Xmas.

Blogvent Day 8

8 days left 'til Xmas...

Here's a Xmas album everyone should have spinning on their Bionic Turntable

Blogvent Day 9

9 Days Left until Xmas.

Europa Park, Germany

Blogvent Day 10

I flaked on the advent blog over the weekend, sorry. To make  up for it, here is a photo of the Annual Boston Speedo Santa Run.

I'd rather see Rudolph in a Speedo than some of these guys. But run to the stores and get shopping- there are only 10 days left 'til Xmas!! 

Blogvent Day 13

Thirteen Days and Xmas will be here. The excitement (or the stress) is enough to make you drink. This is London's Santa Pub Crawl...

...and how we do it here in New York.

Amateurs!

Blogvent Day 14

There are only 2 weeks left til Xmas. Since this is crunch time at the North Pole, let's take the time to glance at Santa's vacation photos. He won't have time to remember how relaxed he was for a while. 

These photos are in honor of our friends in Hawaii who we really should have visited last month but let stupid life excuses get in our way. We love you John and Conn! 

xoxo Mele Kalikimaka xoxo

Blogvent Day 15

Pulled a name from the Secret Santa hat of someone you just can't stand? Or do you hate everyone in your office equally and are forced to do a grab bag? There's no better passive-aggressive way to show them how you really feel than give them a gift bearing the ugly mug of the most annoying self-promoting bald man in America- Joe the Plumber.

This ornament should clog up the empty spaces of their tree and it will only drain you of $6 American dollars. They can use it to cover the 'plumbers butt' in the back of the tree. 

Joe has pen. Joe has paper. Joe has Ghost writer. And now he's spreading his own wealth. His book of dribble will cost you $24.95 on his website but you can get it for $5 less if you went to Barnes & Noble. That's what I call bitchslapping the American Dream. 

And Sam Wurzelbacher's dreams don't end there. He's got a website that you have to join? I don't believe that and I wrote it. For a year's membership you need to flush $14.95 down the toilet. I didn't research what you get for the money because the only sites I know of that you need to pay to join are porno sites and Joe and Porno are 2 words that should never mix.

And I guess that imagery was Joe's Xmas gift to me. Thanks Joe. There are 15 Days 'til Xmas

Blogvent Day 16

Maybe you're reading this blog on you're new Blackberry Storm or your MacBook Air. If not, those things are probably topping your Xmas Wish Lists. 

But take your mind waaaay back- not long after the dinosaurs roamed (if you use the same calendar as Sarah Palin) to 1978. If you were one of those lucky families, you may have woken up Xmas morning and found this hi-tech surprise under the Xmas tree: the TRS-80 Microcomputer!

 

You could get them at Radio Shack if your tightwad dad would fork over the $600 bucks. (My family opted for an electronic typewriter instead). Why did this beauty become extinct you ask? Well, for one, if your knucklehead brother was using it, the latest Starsky & Hutch episode you wanted to watch would be nothing but snow. "Shut it off or I'm telling Mom!" Aaah memories...

There are 16 days til Xmas. Write your Wish Lists!

 

Blogvent Calendar Day 17

17 Days til Xmas

In India, children wear Santa masks. God, do they have to make everything so scary?

BlogVent Calendar Day 18

There are 18 Days til Xmas.

The most overworked and overlooked Christmas character is the elf. They epitomize corporate America- doing all the grunt work while the Fat Man gets all the glory. 

In honor of the faceless workers, here is a collection of vintage Elves and One Vintage Elf Joke.

Q: Why did the Elf go see a Therapist?

A: Because he had low elf esteem.

So, this Christmas, remember the little people- the Elves that make your life better on a daily basis. Your postman, the cashier at the grocery store that doesn't scorn when you forget to bring your own bag, or the barista at Starbucks who knows your order before you have to say anything. Because without them your life would suck that much more. 

Advent Blog Day 19

In my Countdown to Xmas, I am posting a Xmas (or anti-Xmas) scene a day.

Today is Day 19

In Japan the Beluga whales are getting into the spirit!