Madonna You can Stop Faking the British Accent Now

She's worth, conservatively, $300 million. He, take away a zero. 

They divorce citing his "unreasonable behaviour"(Note to Madonna: teach the kids how to spell when you move back to the States) But, don't get frightened, that's just a quick way to get through the English courts. 

But $300 million! And Guy says he doesn't want one bloody dollar of her money.  

This is upsetting for three  reasons. A) because no one is that stupid B) how does Madonna always seem to find them? And C) the US dollar has gotten some value back, so don't offend us by saying you don't want any!

But, no one is that stupid. And nothing is as it seems in love and war/divorce. So, really, what material goods is Guy Ritchie really getting after spending nearly eight years with the Material Girl? Well, it seems Madonna's gonna dress him up in her love after all. So far, Guy will get: 

• The Ashcombe House Estate in Wiltshire (the big one in the English countryside) PRICE $18 million
  
• 1/2 the value of the 4 properties in London which will probably be sold (including a Kabbalah center) PRICE $12.5 million total
• Guy's standard of living must be maintained for the sake of the children, woman! PRICELESS
• Child custody is 50/50, but all security, travel, etc. just hand those receipts to Madge, please (hey Kids, wanna meet in Bali?) PRICELESS
• A cash settlement in the value amount of their Marylebone, London townhouse because some sweet from her Sticky & Sweet Tour must have stuck PRICE $25 million
• the Punchbowl Pub in Mayfair PRICE $4 million

Much of this is not on paper causing Ms. Ciccone to utter that those who think her Brit hubby is not taking one American penny are living in "fantasyland". Or maybe they're just "emotionally retarded", Madge. 

The ray of light in all this is that it was quick and not too scandalous and he, Madonna, could have taken you for 1/2 of everything under British law.

Of course, the couple's assets include much more than this and it will take years for them to go through it. But it is good to know that Madonna's not completely screwing the Papa of her children. Or is she? It is in the papers that Guy must read the childrens' books Madonna wrote-"the English Roses" to the child they 'adopted' from Malawi- in Chichewa! You can't win, Guy. 

On a side note, it does seem someone in the fashion world just might be on Ritchie's side

and  is taking a passive aggressive defense out on his X.  It's time to fertilize the Gucci, Madonna.