How To Attract Unicorns

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with their bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness." -Isaiah 34:7

For the past two weeks I have been entrenched in researching how to attract Unicorns to my yard. I know what you're thinking, that Unicorns are just a myth and I am wasting my time. 

However, according to Wikipedia, Unicorns are "not found in Greek mythology, but rather in accounts of natural history, for Greek writers of natural history were convinced of the reality of the unicorn."  And to quote Steve Carell as Michael Scott in "The Office". Because anyone anywhere can submit information to Wikepedia, it must be true.  

So now that I am sure they exist, I have concocted a sure-fire way to attract these gorgeous creatures.  All you need is a garden, some Pez and some gold dust.  With this, and after finding the vortex in your garden, you can coax the Unicorn out to your yard to be seen by an ugly mortal like yourself.

For more complete instructions, follow the link to my eHow article: How to attract Unicorns  and good luck!